I remember love

Years ago a man loved me.  I said I loved him, but it wasn't true.  I couldn't love him, I didn't love myself. After we separated I learned to care and love and appreciate myself.  It took several years.  A life time of learning to hate myself takes time to undo, but it can be done. Fast forward to last year.  I fell deeply and heartrendingly in love with a man who didn't love himself.  No matter what I did, how I hard I tried, how much and many times I showed up, the relationship was doomed.  Those who don't love themselves are simply not capable of loving someone else or be in a loving a relationship.  They may have a relationship, but it will be a relationship of something other than deep and profound love.  It has taken a herculean effort to let this man go, but I am left with no other choice.  He was already gone because he is seeking something he can control, like a partner who hates their self as much as he hates himself, because he is incapable of surrendering to the power of love.  I miss him so much it hurts, but I also know that is all I can do.  Send loving thoughts, miss him and let him go.  Each day gets a little easier.  I think of him often and hope he is well.  I find myself wishing things had been different, but they played out the way they were supposed to because I had some valuable lessons to learn.  I had to learn that all I can do is send love and love myself enough to move on and believe the Universe has something much better in store for me.

I will always remember this love I've felt for this man.  Even though it couldn't work because he didn't love himself enough and couldn't tell me the truth.  I have learned to be gentle with him after the hurt subsided.  We are all fighting some sort of battle and compassion is all we can have for each other.  The lesson I learned from this relationship is that I have the capacity to love and let go in love.  I need not try to control any situation.  And the reason I can let him go is because I do love him.  Very much.